People only post things online that they want others to see, you need to remember this when scrolling through your news feeds. You see the ‘perfect insta mums’ who have their sh#t together, but in reality.. is that the truth? Spotless houses with not a random toy or a pack of wetwipes in site, but really they are only showing you what they want you to see. You don’t see the toddler tantrums, you see smiley happy faces. You don’t see messy houses, you see tidy living rooms. You don’t always see the whole truth.

I have always been envious of Instagram accounts that have those perfect themes, white backgrounds, everything matching & nothing is out of place but then I remember that they are only showing you what they want you to see. You don’t see the mess in the room next door..So when you’re desperate to be ‘one of them’ please remember this.

There are so many things that we ‘fake’ online, perfection being just one of them. Clothing & Appearance being another, we are all guilty of it. With Instagram filters & different editing tools a lot of us have come experts at making us look nothing like ourselves, I for sure do not have bunny ears or funky glasses but on Instagram stories I do. I understand the reasoning behind editing your photo’s, I went through a stage when I was about 13 of editing my face on picmonkey so much that I looked like an oompa loompa with a blurry face. I guess we think “Well if I can make myself look better, why wouldn’t I?” Umm, because its not you.. Its not real. When you see the meme’s saying “Stop editing your photo’s, what if you go missing? How can we find you if you look like beyonce online and chewbacca in person” while this is quite a harsh way of putting it, its true.

Recently I have seen quite a lot of hate on one particular Instagram account, where a mum is posting her everyday life as a stay at home parent. This mum is like every other mum on Instagram, the only difference being that she is posting her bad days as well as her good days. This does not mean that she is seeking attention or that she is a bad parent, this is because she is real. Parenting is hard work at times, my little girl is my absolute world, but my god she drives me batty at times and I think its important that we all know that which is why I for one will not sugarcoat my experiences as a young mum.

Post what you want, but stop sugarcoating sh#t. We’re all just winging it really, lets be honest..

It’s not all doom and gloom when you become a Mum, you know. People will bang on about how little sleep you’ll be getting and how you’re always spending money on the kids instead of yourself... Well, I guess they’re somewhat true but, they’re only negative things if you let them be negative things. 

Christmas is coming and this means one thing, more toys to litter my home!

My little boy doesn’t have massive amounts of toys but still, my house is being invaded by the large ride on toys, diggers, cars, Duplo and various tools (can you guess I have a boy?! My attempts to infiltrate gender-neutral toys has not worked!). My little boy would love more toys and far be it for me to deprive him of these but I do find myself shuddering as my dream of an ‘all wooden, picture-perfect, grand designs living room’ fades off into the distant abyss, as more and more VTech trash enters my world. (Like  the dream living room could have been a reality anyway!)

So whilst I cant control what he receives, I may be able to influence Father Christmas and reduce the number of ‘treadable- swearables’ that will litter the floor of my house and eventually end up in the bin!

So here are some ideas for your little lodger‘s stocking this Christmas.

Stockings for me are one of the things that truly sums up Christmas for me. As a child, I  have vivid memories of waking up in the morning with pure excitement to a bursting stocking, sometimes because my mother had decided to give us a box of tissues that year and it was literally bursting out! All of the gifts inside were cleverly chosen to capture our attention, stop is in our tracks and ensure we didn’t leave our beds for at least another hour, so Father and MotherChristmass could get an extra minute in bed!

So my little boy has recently turned two years old, so alongside some dramatic tantrums, and the rather annoying repetitive phase of” I do it”  that haunts my getting out of the house in the morning, I also have a little monkey who likes to wake up early, 5:30am in fact! So my thinking this year is to get him to sit in bed for just one minute longer and let me and his dad have an extra minute in bed and this is my attempt to take on the role of Mumma Christmas and begin the tradition again.

A recipe for a toddler stocking:

1# The token tangerine. Those aware of traditional Victorian traditions will know that an orange was a treasured thing and even nowadays a stashed tangerine in the change bag can be a godsend! So that goes in first.

2# Chocolate coins. Now, these are optional, I know the that Christmas is full of chocolate for kids so feel free to change these for other things, even raisins or apricots. I, however, am a gluten for punishment and will include these. Who wants to negotiate with a sugar-induced toddler having a tantrum? I do!

Stockist: Fairtrade Chocolate Coins (These are fancy pants ones but cheaper ones can be found in the supermarkets and pound shops, as I’m sure you know already!)

3# Socks. Now these may sound boring, and they are, but my boy always needs socks! Wrap them up several times will keep them occupied for at least a few minutes.

Stockist: ZARA

4# Buttons. My little man loves treasures so I shall be including a selection jar of buttons, found treasures and a few stones (of course) which I will wrap up and he can enjoy pouring them out, never to be found again, probably in his bed, or better yet our bed.

Stockist: SewMuchtoDo

5# Toothbrush. [See 2#] This might be obvious considering the treats on offer over Christmas but my mother started us kids every year with a new toothbrush, and I’m continuing the tradition.

Stockist: Boots

6# Paintfree Colouring Book or Magazine. These are not only good for Christmas but for car journeys and cafes!

Stockist: John Lewis

7# Little music box. Optional, could drive you mad but it was so pretty!

Stockist: Tindalls

8# New shirt for Christmas day. We always had a new smart outfit for Christmas Day and this is something for them to open too.

Stockist: NEXT

9# Pretty wooden toys

Stockist: Unknown

10# Chocolate soldier. Now please don’t think I’m one for popping along to the V&A for all my Christmas gifts, I wish! But this was really nice and I loved how traditional is was!

Read more from Emily at:

www.instagram.com/mummasandmore

Throughout my first pregnancy I did absolutely no research or preparation for breast feeding. It was one of those things I just assumed was going to be easy. I did attend one of the free NHS classes on breast feeding where they make you hold a doll and a knitted titty for practise, which I'm sure we'd all agree is pretty useless. There was no mention of difficulties you may come across and it was all made to sound very dreamy and beautiful.

Dreamy and beautiful it was...for perhaps the first couple of weeks. Junior was born with an infection which meant he was rushed to the hospital’s neonatal unit for special care. Despite the tubes in his mouth and nose to help regulate his breathing, I was able to breast feed him with ease. After a week, he had responded well to antibiotics and gained enough weight for us to take him home, where the feeding continued to be a success. After week two however, his appetite increased to the point where he was feeding constantly, probably around 90% of the day he was latched on. This obviously took its toll on my nipples and I was in absolute agony. I found the Community Midwives and Health Visitors quite unsympathetic and unhelpful, simply telling me it was normal and to persevere, rather than recommending any helpful solutions. As a new mum, I knew nothing about products available that might help like nipple shields and lanolin cream, and there was no mention of these from the medical staff.

By this time, I was really struggling with the pain and Junior was clearly starving. My husband suggested trying some formula, which I really didn’t want to do but seeing how distressed both me and Junior were, he insisted. So off he went to buy all the kit we needed and after just 2 ½ weeks old, Junior had his first taste of formula milk. He gulped it down in seconds and fell asleep for hours. After this we never looked back. Obviously I had the guilt almost every day, and I have to say, I know a lot of people talk about public breast feeding shamers but I found the amount of criticism I got when formula feeding in public far outweighed when I breast fed. Seeing how much more content Junior was made it worth it though. For the following 4 to 5 months, I persisted with a small amount of breast feeding alongside the formula. I still feel regret sometimes that I should have tried harder, but I look at Junior today and he is a happy, healthy boy with good eating habits so we must have done something right.

Following this challenging experience with Junior, I have felt super determined and motivated to make it more of a success with my twins. During the pregnancy I focussed a lot of my time on preparation for breast feeding, making sure I had all the right kit and getting myself well informed by reading loads of books and info online. I bought a brilliant twin feeding cushion made by Peanut & Piglet, something I genuinely don't think I could have tandem fed without! Other things on my shopping list included a decent supply of nipple cream, nipple shields, washable breast pads and a double electrix breast pump. I began hand expressing colostrum during the final couple of weeks before the birth and froze it; this meant I had a small stash for those first few days, which just took the pressure off me a little at a time when milk production and supply can be unpredictable and often insufficient. I wish someone had told me about colostrum harvesting first time around! It was also so nice to later see my husband feed them in the hospital with the colostrum I'd expressed. 

The twins are now more than a month old and as I write this I'm sat on the sofa breast feeding them. I'll be honest, it's not been easy (particularly during the hot weather!) but I think I have a better attitude this time around and have not put any pressure on myself which has ultimately made me relax into it better. I think it's also helped that the girls are nowhere near as hungry as Junior was. The key thing about the twins has been feeding them in tandem; if I didn't stick to feeding them together I would literally be feeding every hour of the day. I've also discovered some great tips about "lactogenic" foods from Hilary Jacobson's book 'Mother Food." I've been amazed at how much diet can affect my supply and fenugreek supplements have been my saviour. We've introduced a bottle of formula at bedtime every night and unlike last time, I feel absolutely no guilt about this. The girls love their bottles and it's nice to share the work with my husband, not to mention the extra sleep they get when they've had it! It's a welcomed moment of peace and calm that the whole household appreciates. I'm now focussing on expressing more so I can build up a supply in the freezer. This will give me more freedom both at home but also when I go out. As I'm trying to keep the girls fed together, I'm forced to use bottles when out and about as tandem nursing in public is pretty impossible, so that supply of expressed milk is really important for my sanity!

I'm still on the journey and I know there will be highs and lows ahead, particularly as the girls go through growth spurts, but I'm proud of what I've achieved so far. If you'd told me during my son's first couple of months when I was a hormonal and emotional new mum with no idea what I was doing, that in 4 years time I'd be successfully breast feeding twins, I would have laughed in your face. My biggest advice to anyone about to embark on a similar journey is just to prepare as much as you possibly can...read read read, learn as much as you can about what to expect, talk to others who've been through it and absolutely 100% do not put any pressure on yourself; that way you'll actually be able to enjoy the experience.

Post submitted by Amy, a thirtysomething brit mum of three (including twins!)

Read more from this amazing mummy at:

Instagram @mummyhustle

facebook.com/mummyhustle

mummyhustle.uk

“I am proud of many things in life, but nothing beats being a mother.”
Unknown

1. You don’t care about being naked, seriously! Before I had E, I used to have an anxiety attack before each and every PAP appointment. I actually had an “after school special” at work deciding on whether I should get a Brazilian for birth, such trivial things but those were my absolute concerns, now HA, the number of times I’ve had to strip down during the pregnancy/birth process, I could care less!

2. No one and I mean NO ONE’S OPINION MATTERS. This is something you will learn once you’re visibly pregnant. The amount of “out of left field” advice I got was mind-boggling. I remember being told everything from my clothes were too tight to I’m starving myself because I’m vain.

What many people didn’t know is, I was sick the entire 41 weeks of my pregnancy. So I only gained about 5 pounds (my mother had the same kind of pregnancy), so people were always commenting that I wasn’t eating or I was starving my baby to be skinny, when it was the total opposite, I was eating like crazy, but nothing would stay down (if you can imagine I was actually sick while making a left turn at a busy intersection, FML). Just like the unsolicited advice I got while pregnant it only snowballed after birth. What I didn’t realize back then is sometimes it’s better just to smile and nod than to fight the advice.

Everyone is going to have an opinion on how you should raise your child and what you should be doing, DO YOU! You know your baby the best, and you’ll have to deal with the repercussions of the advice so only do what makes you feel comfortable.

3. Breastfeeding isn’t easy for everyone. I’ve had people shame me (to my face) for not breastfeeding my daughter, and all I’ve got to say is, do what works for you and your family. I believe that FED IS BEST.

4. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. I used to say I’ll never co-sleep. My baby will be in her crib from day one. Well, it wasn’t until she was 4.5 months that we started sleep training her, so before that, she was in our bed, every night, sleeping on top of me. So go with the flow and never say never. 

5. Do not compare your pregnancy or your child to anyone else. No two pregnancies (even from the same mother) are the same so how can you expect your baby to develop the same as another? Trust me, all you’re going to do is set yourself up for disappointment. Enjoy your baby’s milestones, they’re their own perfect human and should never be compared

6. Sleep when the baby sleeps is shit advice. I’m sorry. If I slept when E slept, nothing would get done.

7. Mom groups are a godsend. My #octoberpumpkins are the reason I’m still sane. We have meet ups and subgroups; they’re always there when I need them, and a couple of them live close by, so maternity leave hasn’t been too lonely.

8. You’re stronger (mentality and physically) than you think. I’ve never gone on 3 hours of sleep and still functioned enough to clean the entire house and host a dinner party, but this mom is tougher than she used to be!

9. Make sure you’re looking after yourself. I always use this example; you know how on a plane they say put your mask on first and then help your family? Makes sense right? If you’re not okay how will you look after your little miracle? Obviously, baby’s needs are important but make sure you’re looked after as well.

10. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. While you are tougher than ever, sometimes you’ll need some help, and you shouldn’t be ashamed to ask family or a close friend.

11. You’re doing great! I know sometimes it may seem like you’re failing, but baby doesn’t know. Don’t sweat the small things – you’re trying, and that’s all that matters.

DEE HAIDER is a mother, blogger and wannabe farm girl living in a suburban city in Ontario, Canada. While on maternity leave her days are filled chasing her extremely loud daughter and two cats that have an insane amount of personality. She blogs to keep herself somewhat sane, writing about her personal style, life as a busy mum, and interior design. Check out her fun-loving and honest lifestyle blog at theHaiderHouse or find her on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.